water + crackers = a healthy lifestyle

hey all,

i think it's time for some things to be said.

this week has been hellacious--for just about everyone i know, some more so than others.
the amount of confusion/hate/violence/sadness/and overall stress in the world right now is just overwhelming.
it kinda feels like we're blowing a balloon up too much; it's bound to wear thin sooner or later...and right now, it seems to be 2 minutes away from "later."

some craziness has just happened in my home town.
first, a senior-aged, Antonio, has gone missing. another boy, Todd, from my town has been arrested for confessing to beating the Antonio in the head with a baseball bat. Police still can't find Antonio.
second, a senior at my old high school, Eric, has died from a seizure. just a freak seizure.

i did not know Antonio at all, nor did I really know Eric (he was just a familiar face in the halls), but both of these stories are really damaging me in a way.

a friend of mine has also blogged about this, and i could not have said it better than she. she said she has never been more aware of the delicacy of life.

i hate that things like this have to happen so close to home in order for it to get through to people; to get through to me.

it's also weird because Eric's facebook profile isn't private...so even though we weren't facebook friends i can view all of his information and photos and see all of the "rip eric/you will be missed" messages on his wall...it's eerie, ya know? and fox news station's website has articles about Antonio...

as CLICHE as i could sound: it really just makes me want to live life to the fullest. seriously, just get up tomorrow and do something crazy and spontaneous and great for the world.


now for some other business:

miss olivia--
i started to tell you all of this saturday night, but i feel it must be blogged so you can always look back to it as a reference.

you have truly become more of a friend to me than i could have ever hoped for. i consider you one of my very best friends and in saying that, i care about you and your happiness more than my own a lot of the time. if i could make life just the tiniest bit less hectic and stressful for you i would--and i SO wish that i could. you seriously are the epitome of SUNSHINE and it saddens me to see you on a cloudy day.

i know that you have a million things running through your mind/life right now, but i know that you will be fine. you will be more than fine--you will be great. soon you'll be graduated and it will be summer. then you'll be off to florida where you will meet so many new people (which you are so good at) and it will be a relatively fresh start.

i admire you more than most people i know. you are one of the strongest, most inspiring people i have known. i feel so connected to you and i believe it's because we have so much in common. even the way events have shaped us are very similar. you have endured so much and i watch you take it like a champ. this just gives me the hope that i can do the same.


i have felt very overwhelmed in the past week-ish. for many reasons, but lately i have been in a blank mood. i'm not happy, but im not sad. even my issues that are pretty darn stressful (ex: how i'm paying rent in 2 weeks) are not really freaking me out. i've just started feeling (or not feeling, i guess) this way monday, and my only idea is the weather. monday and tuesday in chicago were gorgeous--i mean, gorgeous. i'm beginning to think i have seasonal depression. perhaps not that severe, but i definitely see an improvement in my mood when the weather is nicer. which is one reason WHY i am not staying in chicago after this year is up. i need something warmer and new. and with new, i know i'll at least start out happy because i love being somewhere new.

i, too, olivia, don't always like talking to my friends about whats bothering me, but for another reason. i also feel like my problems are just that, my problems. it's hard enough for me to handle, so why should i put that on my friends? they have enough on their plates as it is; they don't need to worry about me too. and simply, i feel like i should fix my problems myself and if i'm whining to my friends, that is not helping anything--so why do it at all? i always tell myself i'll keep everything to myself, but it never happens. i'm a sucker for sympathy, i'll admit it. i'm ashamed of it, but it's true.

ugh...i need to force myself to sleep. classes are almost out for springbreak, just 3 more...
i'll blog more tomorrow. i have much, much more to say...

here's the link to Olivia's blog, enjoy: http://ohlivianne.blogspot.com/

pusshej,
jules