One Pistachio Macaroon Please

so, spring break is over. not a whole hell of a lot was accomplished...oh well--it was nice to chill out for a week at home in the Lou. now, however, i am back to the reality of rent, papers (hw in general), and overall stress. YAY!..not!
all in all though, i would not have wanted to stay home any longer; i am ready to be back in Chi (perhaps not for the cold though!)

some things i've learned this SB:
-some of the best times happen in sweats and a tshirt
-hang out with the people you always say you will, but never get around to; you'll have more fun than you think
-even the smallest roadtrips can be incredibly fun
-a runner's high is the best medicine
-people come into your life just as quickly and easily as they leave it
-limp arm fights are the most painful/funny/entertaining way to bond
-be aware of your actions; they affect more than you
-when parallel parking, make sure to turn the steering wheel the correct direction (it makes it easier)
-don't try and "save" some guacamole; just eat it all
-showering is overrated (and harmful to the environment); shower less/waste less water :)
-not all doctors are scary
-find another bathroom if you hear people having sex in the first one (esp. if one of those someones is your brother)
-feelings for someone don't always appear slowly; sometimes they pop up out of nowhere...don't ignore them
-Twilight brings everyone closer
-a single macaroon from paris is probably the most genuine gift i've ever received
-you can't always depend on people; not even the ones that you think you should be able to
-keep sippy cup lids away from puppies
-one jacket is sometimes enough for two people...



one of my favorite songs has become the theme of my mood lately--if that makes sense.
the song: Danny's Song by Kenny Loggins
here are some lyrics:

"love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup, drink it up,
love her and she'll bring you luck."

i'm sure you've heard the song, and if you haven't LISTEN to it. it's so calming.



Update: the boy i blogged about last week (Antonio) has been located. his body was found by some kids in a creek. he was so badly beaten that they couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl. Antonio had been missing 2 weeks. his 2 kids now don't have a father.

pusshej,
jules (i-have-no-clue-what-i'm-doing-with-my-life)

water + crackers = a healthy lifestyle

hey all,

i think it's time for some things to be said.

this week has been hellacious--for just about everyone i know, some more so than others.
the amount of confusion/hate/violence/sadness/and overall stress in the world right now is just overwhelming.
it kinda feels like we're blowing a balloon up too much; it's bound to wear thin sooner or later...and right now, it seems to be 2 minutes away from "later."

some craziness has just happened in my home town.
first, a senior-aged, Antonio, has gone missing. another boy, Todd, from my town has been arrested for confessing to beating the Antonio in the head with a baseball bat. Police still can't find Antonio.
second, a senior at my old high school, Eric, has died from a seizure. just a freak seizure.

i did not know Antonio at all, nor did I really know Eric (he was just a familiar face in the halls), but both of these stories are really damaging me in a way.

a friend of mine has also blogged about this, and i could not have said it better than she. she said she has never been more aware of the delicacy of life.

i hate that things like this have to happen so close to home in order for it to get through to people; to get through to me.

it's also weird because Eric's facebook profile isn't private...so even though we weren't facebook friends i can view all of his information and photos and see all of the "rip eric/you will be missed" messages on his wall...it's eerie, ya know? and fox news station's website has articles about Antonio...

as CLICHE as i could sound: it really just makes me want to live life to the fullest. seriously, just get up tomorrow and do something crazy and spontaneous and great for the world.


now for some other business:

miss olivia--
i started to tell you all of this saturday night, but i feel it must be blogged so you can always look back to it as a reference.

you have truly become more of a friend to me than i could have ever hoped for. i consider you one of my very best friends and in saying that, i care about you and your happiness more than my own a lot of the time. if i could make life just the tiniest bit less hectic and stressful for you i would--and i SO wish that i could. you seriously are the epitome of SUNSHINE and it saddens me to see you on a cloudy day.

i know that you have a million things running through your mind/life right now, but i know that you will be fine. you will be more than fine--you will be great. soon you'll be graduated and it will be summer. then you'll be off to florida where you will meet so many new people (which you are so good at) and it will be a relatively fresh start.

i admire you more than most people i know. you are one of the strongest, most inspiring people i have known. i feel so connected to you and i believe it's because we have so much in common. even the way events have shaped us are very similar. you have endured so much and i watch you take it like a champ. this just gives me the hope that i can do the same.


i have felt very overwhelmed in the past week-ish. for many reasons, but lately i have been in a blank mood. i'm not happy, but im not sad. even my issues that are pretty darn stressful (ex: how i'm paying rent in 2 weeks) are not really freaking me out. i've just started feeling (or not feeling, i guess) this way monday, and my only idea is the weather. monday and tuesday in chicago were gorgeous--i mean, gorgeous. i'm beginning to think i have seasonal depression. perhaps not that severe, but i definitely see an improvement in my mood when the weather is nicer. which is one reason WHY i am not staying in chicago after this year is up. i need something warmer and new. and with new, i know i'll at least start out happy because i love being somewhere new.

i, too, olivia, don't always like talking to my friends about whats bothering me, but for another reason. i also feel like my problems are just that, my problems. it's hard enough for me to handle, so why should i put that on my friends? they have enough on their plates as it is; they don't need to worry about me too. and simply, i feel like i should fix my problems myself and if i'm whining to my friends, that is not helping anything--so why do it at all? i always tell myself i'll keep everything to myself, but it never happens. i'm a sucker for sympathy, i'll admit it. i'm ashamed of it, but it's true.

ugh...i need to force myself to sleep. classes are almost out for springbreak, just 3 more...
i'll blog more tomorrow. i have much, much more to say...

here's the link to Olivia's blog, enjoy: http://ohlivianne.blogspot.com/

pusshej,
jules

Peanut Butter Induced Epiphany

SO...this may not be true for everyone, but i've seriously just realized something very cool/sad/complex about myself.

when you first meet a boy, and he becomes a "potential" do you get that insane middle school feeling?
well, i do, and i call these "girly crushes" because it makes me feel like i'm in the 5th grade again and every little thing that he does or says MEANS something lol (obviously it doesnt...)
in general--girly crushes are exciting. you're constantly giddy, and, as my room mates and i refer to it, bejigiddy.
i may be alone in saying this, but i adore this phase.
of course, in my experience, girly crushes last anywhere from 3 days to a month--no longer (that is normally a relationship or the start of one), and MOST girly crushes don't go anywhere after that. they end and that is the end of that--which is fine! i'll already be on to the next soon enough!

BUT, here's the rub:

i've realized, that, for ME, the reason i like the girly crush phase is because i don't do well in actual relationships. i get fidgety and anxious when in one, and, therefore, stay away from them completely. so, since i know i won't have a lasting relationship i invest all of myself into my girly crushes...i OVER-appreciate what i have; and what i have is a knack for nothing other than girly crushes.

now, i find this kind of cool, in the sense that i suddenly understand WHY i get soooooooo excited about girly crushes. it's the only thing i have to look forward to in the boy department.
however, it is also a tad sad, because it seems my subconscious is looking out for me; protecting me from the things i am worst at, and, in a way, afraid of--relationships.

so, for all of my girlfriends who have had to endure my many girly crushes, and my incredibly annoying state, i sincerely apologize. it is not entirely my fault...i have little to no control over this mind of mine. i would like to say that now figuring this out it will all be better, but i'm sure there will be MANY more girly crushes that you will have to bare with me through! (*hopefully the current does not read this...)

pusshej,
jules

Ridiculous

i won't name names, but in response to the Rihanna/Chris Brown incident (her being beaten by him) someone i was with responded:

"she deserved it; i hate her..."

i couldn't even believe it. i just asked her what she had just said because i wasn't sure if i'd heard right...
and then i left the room.

really, really?

people make me sad.

pusshej,
jules

Daylight Savings or Expenses?

note: the use of quotation marks around the word love are not to say that these people don't love each other, but just because i, personally, don't believe in love and feel hypocritical using the word without them [quotation marks].

riddle me this: if person A and person B "love" each other, then why do they have countless fights?
answer: inequalities.

i'm very tired of people, specifically one of my best friends of 6 years now, being treated like shit all in the name of "love."

my friends mean the world to me, and to hear them upset and compromising themselves for the actions of other people just kills me. i can honestly say that i have never been more PROUD of my friend for being such an independent and puissant woman. she has always amazed me but even more so now that i have realized what kind of woman she is. she does not sit back and let things happen; she makes her presence known and jumps head first into the deep end of all of life's problems. this is why it pains me to see the one she "loves" (and who "loves" her in return) take advantage of her one weakness--their relationship.

i loathe that "love" is a bartering chip and we are made to feel unworthy of a stable, carefree relationship.

i have known this couple since the very beginning and am very confident in their feelings for one another, however, it is just unacceptable to me that a constant power struggle is what is keeping these two from consistent happiness. i'm not saying that all of their problems would go away completely, but a fair share would for sure.

because of my friend's complete NON-doormat personality, her boyfriend gets shit from his friends. the guy who, "can't control his gf" or is "whipped" (these are not direct quotes, merely examples to explain the situation). this type of ridicule and criticism have led to what can only be described as a power struggle; a dominance issue.

it pains me to see the gender inequalities that many people choose to ignore. even in this simple situation, it is, in my eyes, an issue of male dominance.

i am happy to say--my friend is one female that will not be subordinate. ever. and forever will she have my respect and admiration.

pusshej,
jules

Why Aren't We Angry!?

so i just saw "A Powerful Noise" and all i can say is: if and when it comes out to buy/rent, you MUST watch it. the movie is so incredibly awesome. i left the theater feeling empowered and just inspired. it's the most amazing thing to me, that a movie can make such an impact on someone--and this one for sure did.

i've been out of the country twice; once to england and once to sweden. ever since that first trip--that first taste of another culture--i have wanted to leave again. all this year i have been itching to get out, travel, help people, and DO something important. i'm not huge and muscle-y, but i'm able bodied and why not?! why not do something WORTH WHILE? there are so many more important things that i could be doing with my time and its frustrating because it all requires money--which i don't have. it's frustrating because i have nevvvver been so passionate about something. the only bright side: for once i know EXACTLY what my calling is.

so, since my little rant got off topic, i want to go back to my response to "A Powerful Noise." after some serious thought i've started to get a little upset. not just for the topics in the movie but for the response we give it.
-in Africa, 85% of child domestic workers are girls
-785 million illiterate adults in the world; 2/3 are women
-of the worlds 1billion poorest people, 60% are women and girls
-women work 2/3 of the world’s working hours, but earn only 10% of the income
-women produce half the world’s food, yet own only 1 percent of its land

WHY AREN'T WE FURIOUS? this should enrage people! what the fuck is wrong with us to just keep this in the dark and pretend like it's not happening. newsflash: just because we don't acknowledge it, doesn't mean it's not there. it's very serious and very real and yet a very small percentage of this country is as concerned and outraged as they should be.

please, next time you're complaining about homework or just about going to class in general, think about the kids all around the world that don't necessarily have the opportunity or means to go.

educate yourself. find out what's going on in the world. not everything that is of importance happens within the US. don't be ignorant. appreciate the privileges you have.

get informed. get angry. spread the word and DO something.

pusshej,
jules

Carpe Diem

Trials and Tribulations of the Modern-Day Mind

in life we are always after something. whether it be a grade, a gf/bf, a car, or something as simple as just being noticed, it always seem out of reach. it may not even be very far out of reach but just enough to drive you mad. it becomes not just something we want, but a simple trick of the brain and you feel like you need it, you can't live without it, and you'd do almost anything for it.

i've come to the conclusion that either the human mind is too wise and mysterious for us to comprehend, or we spend so much time thinking and pretending to be wise that we actually complicate the matter itself.

with all of the confusion, doubt, aniexty, stress, whatever it may be for you, it all seems worth it ...if we get what we want in the end.  i don't know how or why, but even if we don't get what we want we somehow convince ourselves that it was a "learning experience" or "i'm better off without it." it's pure bullshit. we decide we want one thing and then if, by change, we dont get it, we change our minds, all of a sudden see the error of our ways, and act as if we were Confucius and say we've learned from it.  i'm sorry but not getting a car for you birthday is not a lesson learned well, but more likely an overly privileged child who thinks they deserve everything they "need."

wherever our wise-yet-golly, rational-yet-irrational, intelligent-yet-naive minds take us, we are always following something.  a never ending chase, trying to catch something that we think will make us feel better; that WANT that is now a NEED.

pusshej,
jules