Mirrors Pretend

so. even sitting here at my desk i'm not sure what this blog is going to be about. lately i have just realized my extreme dissatisfaction for my current life. i'm not saying that in an i-hate-the-world type of way. not in the least. i just feel like there is so much more i expect and want to do/accomplish in life. in the most cliche way possible, i feel like i'm living two different lives. one (the more dominant) feels very chained down and stuck. the other wants to be life changing but at the same time glamorous.

she's a model; a fashionista; a feminist; a wild child; securely employed; a gypsy.

currently, i am not a model, i am short; i am taping the mouth of that inner fashionista because i don't have an expendable income; i am an unsatisfied feminist longing for her old role model; i have no where to be wild--stuck in this concrete and dry wall loft; i am dogsitting 5 times a week for cash; i am stuck.

this is me venting...obviously. for instance, when i finally have a little spare cash and buy something in the realm of my ideal fashion, i get comments like "what's the occasion!?" or "you look nice today!"
all of these i appreciate of course, because they are compliments. however, i get frustrated because if i could afford to buy the things that i like it would not seem like i'm "dressing up"--it would just be my style; it would just be ME.

in saying this, i'm not sure what to do. it's as if i feel like i'm being fake, but i'm not. so how do you correct that type of feeling?

i shall go to bed with this cumbersome thought i guess.

pusshej,
an unwilling and confused jules :/