Mirrors Pretend

so. even sitting here at my desk i'm not sure what this blog is going to be about. lately i have just realized my extreme dissatisfaction for my current life. i'm not saying that in an i-hate-the-world type of way. not in the least. i just feel like there is so much more i expect and want to do/accomplish in life. in the most cliche way possible, i feel like i'm living two different lives. one (the more dominant) feels very chained down and stuck. the other wants to be life changing but at the same time glamorous.

she's a model; a fashionista; a feminist; a wild child; securely employed; a gypsy.

currently, i am not a model, i am short; i am taping the mouth of that inner fashionista because i don't have an expendable income; i am an unsatisfied feminist longing for her old role model; i have no where to be wild--stuck in this concrete and dry wall loft; i am dogsitting 5 times a week for cash; i am stuck.

this is me venting...obviously. for instance, when i finally have a little spare cash and buy something in the realm of my ideal fashion, i get comments like "what's the occasion!?" or "you look nice today!"
all of these i appreciate of course, because they are compliments. however, i get frustrated because if i could afford to buy the things that i like it would not seem like i'm "dressing up"--it would just be my style; it would just be ME.

in saying this, i'm not sure what to do. it's as if i feel like i'm being fake, but i'm not. so how do you correct that type of feeling?

i shall go to bed with this cumbersome thought i guess.

pusshej,
an unwilling and confused jules :/

Monstrous May with Jules and Olivia

SO me and one of my bestest friends in the whole entire world (olivia) are spending a lot of much need time together in the month of May. since she lives in St. Louis still (currently) and i'm in Chi...seeing each other isn't always the easiest thing :/

here is the game plan:

weekend of May 1st--i'm going back to the Lou for prom where i will see my lovely all weekend!
weekend of May 8th--miss olivia is coming to Chi for the weekend!
weekend of May 15th--i come home to STL, we attend the A-Men Extravaganza (an a cappella concert), then leave the following day for our much anticipated roadtrip to Tennessee!
weekend of May 22nd--attend the graduation of miss olivia (and others lol)
weekend of May 29th--perhaps the dessert date we've been postponing for months?

all in all, i miss my lovely olivia, and i can't wait to see her!

pusshej,
jules

Stop and Smell the City...

hey all--i have SOOOO much to do this weekend/month/last-bit-of-school...
i would much rather be out smelling the roses...or in my case, smelling the city? which, is actually not bad; it's rather nice.

this is just an idea of my saturday:
-get up at 6am
-leave the apt no late than 7am
-run in the Wrigley Start Early 5k to prevent child abuse at 8am
-go home/shower/get cleaned up
-meet Kelley in Wrigleyville at Pick Me Up (yum yum yum!) for lunch at 11am
-go walk the dogs that I am sitting and play with them from 2-3pm
-meet up w/ Stevie downtown
-take Stevie to Wicker Park, maybe Belmont, then back to my apt

baaaahhhhh and somehow fit in all of my hw that i need to finish.

fml.

good news is: i opened a savings account at fifth/thirds bank yesterday and bought new shoes today at Akira for $30! woot woot!

to do:
-get recommendation letter from teacher back home to send to UTK
-send outline for powerpoint to group member...
-create rough draft of the event invitation for group project (and eventually the final draft)
-write rough draft of my integrated marketing final paper (and eventually the final draft)
-write paper for class monday
-sell my books from AI and Columbia

updates:
my detox is going well, although i haven't run for the past 3 days and my 5k is tomorrow morning... :/
also, the blues did not win their first playoff game against the Vancouver Canucks...better luck w/ game 2 tonight at 10pm!

pusshej,
jules

<3 I BLEED BLUE! <3

I'M SOOOOO FUCKING EXCITED!
we may not be the best, but it's been 4 seasons since we even came close to making the playoffs!!!
I am so proud of the Blues!!!

pusshej,
jules (mrs. oshie/mrs. backes)

Take a Second to Care

http://www.dayofsilence.org/

please consider doing this. it's not difficult and it really has a great message. i've done it for the past 4 years but it's been with my high school...i feel a little alone in it now--so join me, won't you?!

pusshej,
jules

Life Detox

hey all

so, whenever i feel especially bogged down or just caught in life's clutter i do some sort of cleansing. normally, i purge my facebook--of friends, tagged photos, and profile shtuff--and that is sufficient. however, lately it just isn't enough. perhaps this is because i've run out of things to get rid of or perhaps this is because i need something a little more meaningful to upgrade.

currently, i am on a health-fix. character-fix. overall being-fix. life-fix.
--i've started running again (since i had shin splints last semester--ow).
--i've been transitioning into becoming a vegetarian.
--my dad (who is a chiropractor) gave me this detox kit, which i started the first of this month, that is supposed to rid your body of all the nasty and make you feel all good inside. :)
--i've started really sitting down and planning out my *immediate* future. goals, wants, necessities, etc.

to be honest, ever since i was little i thought that i would be a chef and own a restaurant. when it got to be time for my friends to start thinking about what they wanted to major in after high school, i started to second guess myself. however, at the time i just though it was because i had never really thought of what else i might want to do. i was almost afraid to think about what else i might want to do; to change my mind.

i have always been a slave to the stage. i was in musicals, plays, one acts, choir, a cappella, etc. thespians was pretty much my life. it consumed most of my free time. even though i have a love for it, i do not have the confidence of my ability to pursue it as a career. on top of that, i know that i am not as good as the other hundreds of women trying to "make it big"--and i'm okay with that. theater was the only other thing i could think of to study though...so what do i do?

currently i am a marketing communications major with a focus in public relations and a minor in women's studies. marketing is good...it comes naturally to me. creativity, people skills, public speaking skills (from the many years of theater). and women's studies has only become more interesting to me since i took a life-changing course by a wonderful woman at my high school, Ms. Moore. She is the sole reason that i even considered minoring in it.

however, even though marketing isn't bad...it's just not great. i'm not excited for classes. and on top of that, i don't feel challenged at my school. most of my teachers don't even have lesson plans...
i like structure. i like organization. i even like hw to a point. it reminds me that i'm not wasting my time and money (yes, i'm paying for school). but at my school, these things rarely occur.
why should i stay at a school that i don't feel challenges me?

NOW: i have no clue what i'm doing with my life.
all i know is that i'm leaving Chicago. i have my apartment until august and i will be going between St. Louis and Chicago during the summer, but after that i won't be back.
i have applied to Florida Gulf Coast University and University of Tennessee: Knoxville, and will possibly apply to University of South Carolina.

i need new. i need warm weather. i need a school that has a community. i need sports teams to root for, school colors to wear, and pride in my school.
i miss being school spirited like in high school.
i love chicago, but there is no community at Columbia. not the kind that i crave, at least.

perhaps i will continue my major/minor at whatever school i am at in the fall, or perhaps i will go into a full BA in women's studies so that i can possibly teach in the long run. who knows?

all i know, is that i'm getting out.
wish me luck.

pusshej,
jules