These Kids Are Bombarded

What happens is this: i read an article online and i get upset (because of the topic).
then...i read the comments left on the article by various readers--and this is where i get fired up.
i get angry at the ignorant things people say.

most recently, i have read this article "Sexting-Related Bullying Cited in Hillsborough Teen's Suicide."

(http://www.tampabay.com/news/humaninterest/sexting-related-bullying-cited-in-hillsborough-teens-suicide/1054895)

i suggest that you read the article, but to give you the sparknotes version, a 13 year old girl named Hope sends a boy she likes a picture of herself topless.
the picture gets sent all over her middle school and even the high school.
Hope is bullied, ridiculed, and tormented at school by her peers.
she is called a whore and a slut.
she starts cutting.
school officials find out at the end of the school year and decide to suspend her for the first week of the following school year.
she is also not allowed to run for the leadership position she has held in her school's FFA organization (in which she has excelled).
nothing is done to the students who were responsible for the mass spreading of the pictures.
Hope meets with the school counselor very often and the counselor has her sign a faux contract--a "no-harm contract"--that says she will never cause harm to herself, she will always go to someone for help.
Hope's parents are not notified of this.

Hope hangs herself in her room.



now, i don't think that any one person is at fault for this tragedy. i think it is a combination of things, and you are more than welcome to disagree. however, most of the comments on the article were very hard to read for me. almost every one wanted to point the finger of blame at a specific person. "it's her parents" "no, it's the counselor" "it's public schools" "no, it's the government"...etc
i do believe that Hope's parents should have been notified of her situation. i also believe that there could have been something done about the constant bullying. according to the article, Hope's friends would have to surround her and escort her through the halls, all the while others called her names.
i do struggle with the schools actions in the situation as well. by punishing Hope, and, therefore, giving the situation school-wide attention, she was only moreso victimized. being suspended (more than 3 months after the actual incident) and not being able to run for her position in the FFA were all punishments, and punishing a victim is like saying "you deserve what is happening to you." and what happened to the bullies? i think you can answer that one...

however, i have to defend a few points.
in many of the comments people were saying "she's a kid, and kids make mistakes". this should not offend me, but it does. i think it is a common misconception that "kids" make mistakes. unless i'm living in a different world from everyone else, i have observed that EVERYone makes mistakes. regardless of age. and that is okay. mistakes are necessary. we need to make mistakes in order to learn from them. a person's mistakes and what they take from those experiences are what make them them!

also, many people blamed the public school system, and trashed public schools in general. now, i'm biased because i went to a public school, but, i am so so so grateful that i went to a public school. i'm not saying that public schools are perfect, but what school is? in fact, of the private schools i know of, they are just as "bad", if not worse, than the public schools i know. just as much drug use, alcohol use, teenage pregnancy, bullying, etc.
the type of school rarely determines the quality of students in social settings. there are mean kids wherever you go. there are kids that will put down other kids in every school across the country. i know this to be true, because i've learned that it is NOT just a middle school or high school thing. there are mean people, and there are bullies, that are fully grown adults--out in the world, tearing people down. it is what we teach our kids and what SOCIETY teaches as acceptable and unacceptable that determines what type of person you will be.
all i'm saying is: private doesn't mean better.

another common thread in the comments was that Hope's parents should have monitored her better; that all parents should monitor their child's every move. put blocks on their internet access, only allow them a phone without a camera, etc.
whereas i see the thought process behind this, this is not the answer. yes, you should always know where your child is going, and who with, and for how long (or roughly), but you cannot monitor them all day, every day. it's just not possible. and if you were to, you would be showing that you have no trust in your child to make the right decisions. and is this not just a way of saying you're (the parent) not completely confident that you have taught them well?

let's say you do, however. you've found a way to completely monitor your child--cellphone minutes counted, texts read, internet locks...what happens when they leave the house? i'll tell you, they're bombarded. bombarded with tv commercials, magazines, billboards, movies, SOCIETY. all of which are sending them mixed messages. ads showing what "beautiful" women are supposed to look like, magazines that tell you "100 ways to turn your man on" or "how to GET a man"..., movies that display raunchy sex scenes--in a good light.

however, this is NOT reality. in our sex-obsessed society young girls and women are trapped between a rock and hard place.
being too sexual makes you a "whore"--BUT--being too reserved makes you a "prude." and BOTH are negatives. we can't win.

we're taught it's "unladylike" to sit with your legs open, to dress "slutty", to sleep around.
but on the other hand, we're taught that you have to primp yourself up, SEX yourself up, to get a man.

(disclaimer: i am NOT saying this is true for all men...but most)
now, on the contrary, men have their cake aaaand eat it too.

men are taught that the more women you get, the more "manly" you are. you're praised for scoring well with the ladies...
some women may consider these guys "sluts" but other than that, most will praise them for being a "player"...

several comments from females spoke of how appalled they were that a girl would send such pictures. they said she should have more respect for herself.
well, to this i say, it's easier said than done.
for women--of all ages--respecting yourself is one of the hardest things to do. i'm not sure if i know one woman who is completely comfortable with her body--which is a BIG part of respecting yourself, because if you don't find yourself beautiful, you are apt to do things that make you feel beautiful even if it's only for a little while. and i'm not saying that is what Hope did, but perhaps getting attention from a boy made her feel beautiful, i'm not sure, it's just a thought.
so for those who think it was shameful of her, think before you give out advice. like i said, it's hard for women of all ages to respect themselves, and i would imagine it would be even more difficult for a girl of 13 who hasn't fully grown into herself physically or psychologically. after all, at that age, you're still becoming you...

when will we learn that we're sending mixed signals to our girls--and practically from birth!

be thin/ be curvy
big butts are sexy/ "look at her fat ass"
have sex... but not too much

stop gendering. it's only ruining everything.


pusshej,
a rather dismayed jules